Pop some corn cuz this is a long one...

Have you ever had one of those days that you would love to be able to call a do over? Or maybe take your mulligan and go back to the beginning? Well, that was my day yesterday. From the very beginning it was not a good day...I woke up with a sinus infection that I am absolutely certain is well on its way to becoming SARS, or maybe Bird Flu! But at least it was a work at home day...or not...a client was supposed to be sending an overnight package to me here at my home office/extra bedroom, but instead had it shipped to my office in West Des Moines. Unfortunately, I live almost an hour from that office, and it was a school day for Little Man. But, if I head to DSM as soon as I drop him off for school at 12:30, I can get back with a little time to spare before he gets out of school at 3:30. I can make this work. So, out the door we go, sounds easy, right? Well, as the door is closing behind us I realize that it is locked, and I don't have a key with me (and this is because we have a wonky door that can still be opened from the inside without being unlocked, but of course that is not the case when you are on the outside!) Unfortunately, it took way too long for my brain to tell my hand to grab the %$#^@ door, and just like that we are locked out. Not a single door or window is open. Not even a crack! This is Iowa in November after all. Well, I still have to get Little Man to school and me to DSM, so we continue on our way. I can call someone and they can get me in, right? God, if it were only that easy. After several phone calls it becomes apparent that no one has a key, and since we live at the edge of the civilized world, it was going to cost me a kidney and a lung to get a locksmith here. All these calls are happening as I am on my way to the office because I still have to pick up that package. And, my broke butt college kid is nearly destitute, so I now need to stop at two different banks before heading back to pick up Little Man. Luckily, the banks and my office are very close, so at least I don't have to go across town. Now, anyone that has ever ridden with me from my house to DSM knows that I cannot make this trip without a bathroom break, unless I want to risk a complete rupture of my walnut sized bladder. (thanks for the genetics mom!) So, I stop at Kum & Go to use the facilities..just a quick in and out..of course, I have to take my phone with me in case I get a call back from any of the extortionists, I mean locksmiths. I will spare you the gruesome details, but eventually my cell phone winds up in the toilet at Kum & Go. I am sure you are all aware that cell phones and water do not play well together, and now my phone is dead...utterly useless. Since my friend is still in the hospital recovering from heart surgery, and I am locked out of my house, I need to have a phone now, so I have added another errand to the list of things I have to get done in my very short allotted amount of time. So now I am praying there is a Verizon store between the banks and my office so I can get in and get out. OK, so first problem with this plan...the account number for broke butt college kid was saved in a text message on my now perfectly functioning paper weight of a phone. But, I went to my bank and withdrew the money, and headed over to his bank hoping they can get this info for me. And I have to say the first bright spot in all this was the wonderful teller at the Veridian Bank in West Des Moines. Her name was Faith...I firmly believe that was no coincidence. Not only did she look up BBCK's account number, she also happened to know exactly where the closest Verizon store was! So now I am off to replace my phone. I walk into the new Verizon store in Clive, and I am met at the door by a greeter!! Seriously...a greeter, and not a nice friendly retired person like WalMart..no this is a line backer looking woman with an attitude. So, she asks me what I am looking for and I give her the readers digest version...phone + water = new phone. I explain that there is insurance on the phone so she kindly gives me a brochure that explains the steps for filing an insurance claim to get a new phone. The bottom line being it would take 2 days. Now I explain to her that I cant wait 2 days, I need a phone now. And she looks me straight in the eye and says (with an oozing bad attitude) "you mean you would rather pay full price for a phone today, and not wait just 2 days and pay $50". I was fairly certain that a laser beam was going to shoot out of my eyes at that exact moment and hit her square in the middle of her forehead, causing her to forget her name for several days. But instead I just responded with "What part of right now don't you understand??" To get the full effect of how this was said, you will need to read that line again, clenching your teeth and squinting your eyes. Now she has either realized that I am a woman on the edge, or that laser beam actually made a brief appearance, and sends me to the customer service counter. And, again...another bright spot..the young girl that helped me, Anita, was wonderful. She informed that I was eligible for an upgrade, and the new phone would cost me nothing. I did have to buy a phone charger, but only because the new phone was not fully charged and I needed to be able to use it on the drive home, but the cost was still less than if I had used the insurance. With this out of the way, I am now heading to my office. I literally sneak in the back door, and crouch down in between cubicles, like a rat in a maze, so I can get to my desk without have to stop and chat. I just didn't have time for that. So, I am in and out, and no one even knows I was there. Now I have just enough time to get to the school if I hurry. Luckily, the ride back was uneventful, although I did have to stop at a Casey's and pee, but I left the phone locked in the car this time. No sense tempting fate. So, now Little Man is with me, and we still need to get in. Since this post is becoming quite a novel, I will just tell you that the end result was a broken window in the office/spare bedroom, and what I am sure was a most hysterical looking climb over a desk and printer that are positioned right in front of said window. But now I am in, and I can begin to recover from my day. Unfortunately, I must have shot some of my bad karma my husbands way, because later in the evening while he is on his way home, he is hit by a deer. No, I did not type that wrong...a deer literally jumped up out of the ditch into the side of our car. He was looking down at his radio dial when he heard the huge thud, which of course scared the jeebus out of him, and he turned just in time to see the deers face pressed against the glass of the drivers side front window. They were very nearly eye to eye. Next time you see the hubby, please ask him to relate this story to you...it is really pretty funny coming from him. And the final chapter to our night?? This car is paid off, so there is only liability coverage on it. NICE! Needless to say, the rest of my night was spent enjoying some Captain and Prozac..errr....I mean....peace and quiet!